Coming Out of the Shadows

Review of “The Ultimate Self-Help Guide to Shadow Work” by Kim Woods

I knew I had a plethora of what I used to call “hang-ups” from how I was raised. I realize that my parents did the best that they could, which is generally true of most, but doesn’t mean that there aren’t scars. Big ones. In fact, reading this book I recognized many of the mistakes I made with my own children! And I also found a few I didn’t even realize were there.

Which was a good thing.

While I recognized these “shadows,” thanks to numerous self-help psychology books I’ve read over the years, I’d allowed them to still rule my behavior. They had a voice of authority I couldn’t ignore and still believed at the unconscious level.

The good news?

Somehow this great book gave me permission to set them aside at last! And that’s really saying something since I’m currently 78 years old!

Without talking down to you, the author explains shadows in very understandable language with lots of quotes from research to back it up, but without bogging down the information. She is definitely qualified to write such a guide and has a gift for bringing it down to a lay person’s level and not slowing it down with citations that the average person reading it won’t care about. I particularly liked the quote from Carl Jung that said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” While I’d heard it before, I didn’t know it was Jung and its message is always a good reminder when someone gets on your last nerve.

The layout is easy to read and the “Reflection Prompts” at the end of many sections are very helpful. I originally read the book on Kindle Unlimited but I intend to buy the paperback because it will be easier to track and refer to as I continue to work on this.

I highlighted so many parts that it would probably constitute a copyright violation is I included them all here. One that really hit home said “You claim someone is arrogant, but secretly you’re afraid to own your confidence.” This also relates back to the Jung quote. People who are overly confident have always annoyed me and made me feel inferior. No doubt this shadow originated from being told “Don’t be a show-off” and “It’s impolite to brag” or “People won’t like you if you’re bossy.”

Not helpful when you’re an independent author uncomfortable blowing your own horn, right?

I typically back away from contention or arguments because I was always told I was “Just a stupid kid” plus my father’s nickname for me was “Nuisance.” I was never allowed to be right are rarely acknowledged. My parents undoubtedly went with the adage “Children should be seen and not heard.”

I think that “stupid kid” moniker motivated me to get a physics degree at the age of 39 to prove I wasn’t. Did I feel smarter with that B.S. degree in hand? No. Smarter after working for NASA for 21 years? No.

The section on emotional needs that went unmet made me cry, they were so familiar. Even at my age! Go figure. The reflection prompt for that section said, “Think back to a memory from childhood where you felt misunderstood or unloved. What did you need to hear in that moment? What would it feel like to say those words to yourself now?”

You know what? It felt damn good!

The statement, “Maybe your parent was critical, emotionally unavailable, perfectionistic, or simply overwhelmed” applied to both my parents as well as myself, who unfortunately picked up many of the bad parenting habits I was raised with. That’s the sad part, that these mistakes live on in subsequent generations. I’d really tried not to do that, yet fell into it too easily.

I have definitely been defensive as a result of these shadows as well as also wielding projection, all active for sure for most of my life. It’s comforting to know there’s a way to get rid of all these negative messages lurking in your unconscious mind that drive inappropriate behavior. The author’s emphasis on ditching the guilt trips and replacing them with self-compassion and forgiveness for being human, which enables you to move on, is so much more effective.

I could go on and on, but I’m sure this is already long enough for you to get the idea that it was very helpful. No matter how old you are, it’s never too late to “get a grip” and leave these self-defeating behaviors behind. This book definitely helped me already, but I plan to use it as a course of study to get rid of as many as I can. This book deserves to become a best seller because I believe it can help millions of people who are not reaching their potential because of being lost in their shadow. Many thanks to the author for her help in cleaning up some old messes holding me back.

Your can pick up a copy on Amazon Kindle Unlimited, Kindle, or Paperback

P.S. There are numerous books on the subject, but this is the only one I’ve read, which I can obviously vouch for.

Ho’oponopono Could Change the World

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I first heard of ho’oponopono from motivational speaker, Joe Vitale, and found it fascinating. This little book by Paul Jackson takes it to the next level with the specific background needed to substantiate the method and use it more effectively than possible with Vitale’s testimonial alone.

I find it fascinating that ho’oponopono is not entirely unique. There are numerous methods of deleting old baggage and hangups, but they have interesting similarities. What each technique seems to consistently emphasize is love, being sorry for past mistakes, asking forgiveness, and giving thanks. These emotions represent positive vibes that energize your soul and allow you to get rid of the negativity that can hold you back from joy, success and living your life to the fullest.

I find that a combination of the various methods is especially effective. While they all suggest that this attitude change is permanent, I have found this not to be true. It’s too easy to slip back into negative programming and thus a refresher now and then is necessary, at least for me. Using the same one over and over can get boring and thus ineffective, so it’s always interesting to find a new one that supports previous methods. Other books I’ve read that are similar include Karol Kuhn Truman’s “Feelings Buried Alive Never Die”; “The Emotion Code” by Dr. Bradley Nelson; and “Frequency” by Penney Peirce. I highly recommend them all if you’re looking for a self-help attitude adjustment in a positive direction.

One thing this book points out with more emphasis than the others is the principle that we’re all connected at the spiritual level, i.e. the collective consciousness. When we change ourselves, it ripples out to others. It reminds you that when you point the finger at someone, that there are four fingers pointing back at yourself. It’s about taking responsibility for the effect you may have had on others, even those you do not know personally, and rectifying it. It’s beautiful in that respect. Love is the one thing that can change the world and you can make a bigger difference than you realize.

This little book was an excellent refresher, but could also serve as a great introduction to a simple yet effective method of shifting your personal vibration to a more positive level. We attract what we project, so if your life isn’t going in the direction you’d prefer, then it’s likely you could benefit from some cleanup. It does have a variety of typos and a few word usage issues (i.e. commiserate instead of commensurate) but over all, the book is highly recommended. In these times when it seems our home planet has gone crazy with us surrounded by hate, dishonesty, corruption, violence and general negativity, this could be the boost you need to maintain a positive outlook and feel as if you can make a difference. This book will convince you that indeed you can.

Pick up your copy of “Ho’oponopono Secrets” by Paul Jackson on Amazon.

Review of “The Book of Neptune” by Steven Forrest

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[NOTE:–To get the most out of this book requires at least a rudimentary knowledge of astrology.  This need not be extensive, but should include knowing Neptune’s sign and house position in your natal chart, any aspects between Neptune and the other planets as well as where he currently resides in sign and house placement by transit.  A transit, for those of you unfamiliar with the term, refers to the current zodiacal location of a planet or other cosmic entity, including any aspects it forms to a planet in your natal or some other astrological chart, of which there are too many to get into here.  You can obtain this information for free from astro.com.  Once you have that, you’re all set to apply the information Forrest has provided in this outstanding book.  If you’d like to learn astrology’s basics, I recommend my own book, “Whobeda’s Guide to Basic Astrology”, which contains what I would have liked to have found when I was first learning about this ancient discipline.]

Even though I’m a professional astrologer myself, I’d been struggling with a Neptune transit for three years as this bad boy aspected first my ascendant, then Mars, then my Moon.  Neptune’s influences are often elusive while contributing to a foggy, lazy, dreamy, ungrounded feeling.  This was entirely foreign to me, though I must say it has certainly lent me a tremendous dose of understanding for those who are programmed that way.

As someone with a Capricorn Sun, Virgo ascendant, and Gemini Moon, everything about it was contrary to my basic cosmic imprint.  For those of you out there who are fellow astrologers, I’ll point out that my progressed Sun has been in Pisces for over a decade, which has been uncomfortable as well, but these Neptune transits have been like weathering a tsunami in a leaky boat whereas before it was simply a matter of being afloat in a swimming pool on an air mattress.

Needless to say, I was very uncomfortable with it, and some of my fellow astrologer friends, who are more familiar with these energies, tried to help, but the main thing they accomplished was only to convince me I wasn’t losing my mind.  Which reminds me, delusions and numerous forms of insanity are in Neptune’s domain along with drugs, alcohol and all forms of escapism.  Fortunately, one of those peers, who is also a close friend, was aware of this book, told me about it and I immediately bought a copy.  It’s a considerable understatement to say that I’m glad that I did.

Prior to Neptune swamping me with other-worldly, space cadet ditziness, I’d been an organized, disciplined, responsible, hardworking person.  Now I couldn’t stay focused to the point that if I hadn’t realized it was Neptune, I would have been deeply concerned that I was developing Alzheimer’s.  I kid you not.  As the cosmic surfactant, Neptune tends to dissolve what he touches, and I believe that includes your brain.  Not surprisingly, the god of the deep is associated with loss, disappearances, deception, psychic phenomena and abilities, spiritual experiences such as enlightenment and so forth.

To sum it up, Neptune left me in a state best described by WTF?  I advise my clients that there’s always a positive side to any transit, no matter how grueling, but I was having serious difficulty finding anything about this one that was useful.  The usual approach with a transit is to identify it, then direct that energy to something productive, yet I had never been less productive, more confused and generally feeling as if I were adrift in the ocean with no land in sight.  I had never felt so lost.

Then I was fortunate enough to get a copy of Forrest’s book and I must say that he nailed it.  He starts out by explaining Neptune’s realm, on the edge of the solar system, beyond which lie Pluto, Eris and possibly other planets or minor planets, the domain of comets and then interstellar space.  It’s an area filled with mystery and the unknown, so it’s no wonder it’s unfamiliar to someone who’s practical, logical and responsible by nature.

In describing Neptune’s effect when connected with the other planets, Forrest provides both the “Light Side” and the “Dark Side.”  This is tremendously helpful because sometimes with Neptune it’s not easy to tell which is which.  For the twelve houses, he provides snapshots which include an overview, significant quote and a sentence or two regarding “Leaking Energy” as a preface to several pages of in-depth explanation.  This is particularly helpful if you’re desperate, as I was, so you can grab the highlights before diving into the book as a whole.  He discusses loss, often experienced during a Neptune transit, as well as navigating those murky waters in a positive way.  He talks about synchronicity, which is typically ramped up during this time, both of a favorable and less favorable nature.  His section on how the zodiac sign Neptune resided in influenced the music for different eras is fascinating, as is his journey through history, recounting key events that occurred when Neptune was previously in his home sign of Pisces, as he is now.

As an astrologer, Forrest’s books have provided me with a much deeper understanding of Neptune’s influence than I had before.  It helped me understand numerous things which have occurred during this period and provided excellent ideas for dealing with them and channeling that energy that will contribute to my personal evolution in a positive way.  I feel as if he has thrown me a life-jacket when I needed it most, the fact this book came into my hands at this time an example of the synchronicity he describes.  It also makes sense that in the past few months I’ve become involved with a local astronomy group that conducts star parties every month where I’ve had the opportunity to look into Neptune’s realm, now understanding why this experience has felt so profound.  Somehow gazing out into space helped me feel more grounded.  Now I understand why.

If you feel as if you’ve lost your footing, are sinking in quicksand or adrift on a large body of water with no land in sight, there’s a good chance that Neptune is involved.  If that’s the case, I can’t recommend this book highly enough.  The price is a far cry less than a psychologist, especially one who doesn’t augment his or her practice with astrology.  It has not only provided me with the answers I was looking for, but made me a better astrologer who can be more helpful to any of my clients going through Neptune’s often dark and mysterious waters.

You can pick up a copy of Steven Forrest’s “The Book of Neptune” on Amazon here.